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Friday, January 06, 2006 

If a man gave you 4.00 to buy toilet paper...

What would you do?
Entry By Shaw Israel Izikson

One option is to buy the toilet paper.

An alternative is to not buy the toilet paper.

This option may, however, carry negative consequences.

Thanks! Should I grab the latest Time, or a USA Today?

USA Today is more absorbant.

don't ferget the Boston Herald......or anything else owned by Rupert Murdoch.

I don't know if I'd even wipe my ass with that........

If a man gave me 4:00 to buy toilet paper, buying toilet paper would be the last thing on my mind.

Who is this man? Why $4.00 when most toilet paper is much cheaper? What happened to all his toilet paper? Did he wipe his ass before handling the 4 bucks, or had he already run out? Is this a sexual come-on? And ,what kind of paper does he like? Because that Angel Soft really rocks -- not too crubly, not too shiny and hard.

In closing, if this "man" gave me $ to buy toilet paper, I'd ask him why he can't buy his own damn toilet paper. What, is he, like, embarrassed? I mean, I buy TAMPONS when I'm asked to.

Hey, why is my answer so much longer than everyone else's?

These 2 rich guys go out camping.
they forget toilet paper.

so one of them takes a crap (actually, leaves one) and uses a dollar to wipe his ass instead.

the second rich guys freaks out when he has to shit. and says "oh no, there's no toilet paper!"

so the first one says don't worry, just use a dollar.

later, the second rich guy comes back with shit all over him.

"hey, what happened?" says the first rich guy.

"I don't know, but I got 4 quarters stuck up my ass" says the second rich guy.

the end.

We, dear citizens, have no choice but to purchase toilet paper since Sears (in its infinite wisdom) decided to stop publishing the "Grand Sears Catalog".

Kmart will sell you some perfectly fine implementations for a nominal fee however.

. . .

I write about something in-depth, I get no comments.

I write about toilet paper, comments.

...

..

.

Either this says something about my audience, my writing, or just about life.

Maybe we should become snobby and no longer publish entries. . .just keep adding to comments.

But dude. . .it's like the talk show Homer Simpson hosted. People loved the talk about inane, everyday things but when he started trying to talk about good causes and stuff, his ratings went way down.

I agree -- no more entries, but lets see if we can stretch this comment thingie out for another good couple of months at least.

Hey, what do you guys think of the Alito hearings? I';ve been listening, but in my perscription-drug-addled delirium I can't always tell what's going on.

Wait- Alito gave Shaw $ to buy toilet paper? Is it for the Concerned Alumni of Princeton's bathrooms?

What? Is "That School" that Shaw keeps talking about Princeton? Is Shaw a Concerned Alumni of Princeton?

To get serious now, Shaw could always start a group called the Concerned Alumni of "That School." Could be fun.

Shaw's going to start a group called CATS?

Did I miss something, or have we just determined that Andrew Lloyd Webber graduated from Princeton? And was this before or after Webber and Alito invented toilet paper?

Mars







(bitches)

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